Speechless? No, I’m not speechless; I’m censored. I’m censored by myself from saying what I think because I know what the reaction will be, so I just let it go. Words do hurt though. They just chip away at you slowly until the defensive shell you’ve built is completely gone, and what’s left is the raw you. Each and every word after that point just cuts into you, and each successive jab progressively tears you apart until there’s nothing left but emptiness. Words, don’t say they can’t hurt you. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words…words can kill you.
perfection doesn’t exist, but attempting to attain perfection gives me that constant motivation to continuously improve. kaizen. stay hungry, stay foolish.
They say “time heals all wounds,” but what remains at this very moment is not a wound, rather a hole in my core. There is absolutely nothing that will ever fill this void, because it will forever be a place reserved solely for my grandmother. As much as time will allow me to come to terms with the fact that my dearest grandmother has reached a greater place, a place where she is at peace and with her loved ones, I will never forget my time with her. I sincerely wish and pray that she will continue to stay beside me and my family throughout our lives and guide us through whatever obstacles life may bring. I also hope that my grandmother will be able to understand our deepest thoughts and emotions whenever we think of her, regardless of whether they are spoken or felt. I promise I will make her proud. We’ll be together again soon, grandma, and when that day comes I’ll be able to hold your hand once again, talk to you, hear you laugh, and have a nice long walk in the beautiful weather like you always loved. I love you, grandma, forever and always.
Take my years for her ability to speak,
Take my years for her ability to move,
Take my years for her ability to think,
Take my years for her ability to live,
Because without her there would be no me,
Because the value of her present is more important than my future.
So I ask of you…Please, just take it.
They say “when you’re up, your friends know who you are; when you’re down, you know who your friends are.” Words can’t express the gratitude that I feel for the friends that surround me. I assure you that the encouragement, help, and advice given will never be forgotten. I am in debt to you all, and just know that if you ever need someone who will listen or just someone to be around, I’ll be there to return the favor. It always feels like I need to experience things a few times around before I really get a grasp of the lesson that can be taken from those situations. Just as in sickness and health, happiness cannot exist without sadness and depression. They coexist in order to allow us to appreciate one over the other. If there was no sadness, how would we know what happiness feels like? What would be the point of life? The balance is what matters. You have to accept the negatives with the positives, and I have to start applying that attitude toward my own actions and thoughts. I’m going to get myself out of this shithole I’ve gotten myself into through years of constantly being pessimistic, cynical, and negative. I have to start thinking about the positives. What is NOT wrong about me? That’s what I’ll have to figure out and accept with time. Once again, thank you to all those who show concern and offer help. I’ll try to better myself for the sake of being able to live a happier life and for my dear friends as well.
is it odd that i only turn to tumblr when im either ticked the fuck off or depressed as shit? i think im gonna need a legitimate blog rather than a repost blog. lulz.
contemplating quitting volleyball at the moment. if i dont improve within the next few months, im gonna find a new hobby..such a disappointment.
at least I know it’s real if I’m feeling like this…but making myself vulnerable does in fact suck. haha….sigh.
so i might as well make a random entry…
sometimes i wish i wasn’t so useless
sometimes.i wish i was more capable
sometimes..i wish i had more confidence
sometimes…i wish i could care less
sometimes….i wish things would always go my way
sometimes…..i just wish i was a different person
time to find a new best friend. not as a replacement, but as a continuation. someone i can text whenever im bored the fuck out of my mind, whenever im looking for a random chuckle, or just to divert my attention from the more depressing matters at hand. not gonna force anything, just has to happen naturally. the new year is off to a good start, so let it continue to bring me more opportunities and happiness than it already has.